familiarity

It has been a while since my last blog. About 1 month...and it has taken that long to settle in; settle into Boston; settle into the job; settle into the apartment. I think for the first time today, I called my tiny apartment...home. What was suppose to, in my mind, take a week, in reality, took me a full 1.5 months. ALL of the boxes are finally unpacked, the apartment is decently decorated, pictures of family and old friends are up...and in this new space, filled with new things, there are subtle hints of nostalgic familiarity: a candid picture of mom & dad, objects picked up from previous trips abroad, old favorite books on the new book-shelf, and two dimensional smiling faces of friends--old objects lingering among the new ones, finally creating a sense that this apartment is indeed my own.

I am also settling into the job. It has only been one month, but it already feels like I have been there for more than that. There is a daily routine, the same desk, and the co-workers, that are new, but yet familiar at the same time. Sometimes, I ask myself if we go through life, meeting different people with the same persona over and over again. Is that it, or is it my innate need to find a certain familiarity to give me a sense of comfort and security? This segways well into my next point of conversation...what I am learning about international development.

From day 1, numbers have been merely figures to be shocked, amazed at, astounded by...and then just treated as numbers. Numbers in terms of people...lives affected, lives saved...numbers in terms of money...and the vast amount of money poured into international development...1000s, 10,000, 100,000s and 1,000,000s...they all blend together, and it is hard not to get lost in the figures...and humanize the figures, to see faces behind the figures. I have to admit, a lot of money is spent on salaries, personnel, over-head costs...to create familiar spaces for those personnel living in abroad to "bring their lifestyle up to par with that if they were living in the United States." This translates to allowances...hard-ship pays, home leave, Rest and Recuperation, Cost of Living Allowances, the costs to ship their favorite magazines to them in the field...the costs of air-conditioning, generators, moving furniture and personal vehicles from the US to the field. BUT, with that being said, can I blame them? Absolutely not. Their work-load is high, the objectives and goals they have to meet are nearly impossible, and the working environment/conditions are hard, to say the least.

What I do critically reflect on is the system of humanitarian development that those in the field, and those supporting the field, such as myself, are working in. A system where one can easily get lost in the numbers; a system where familiarity is a clutch. It is the paradigm that we work in that makes me wonder if any change is going to be made. To me, it is still an us versus them ideology/mindset that I feel the current system is still working in...and we (the West) have been working within it since the 1400s in Africa, then the colonization and imperialistic era, then the "spreading democracy" around the world post-colonist age...to be followed by the Save Darfur, RED, ONE, and countless other "movements" that are currently going on...is there really an underlying difference? (I ask to question, not to suggest an answer). Has the us versus them barrier made any progress, or has the wall gotten higher, even in the age of the internet, rapid transmission of knowledge, an "inter-culturally" competent college educated, traveled, back-packed, studied aboard generation... Has the wall between the boy that has to walk 10km to get to school, or the AIDS orphans, or those "masses" who still lack access to health care, clean water, education...has the wall between us and them gotten higher? Reflecting back on this past month, and my still short immersion to the world of international development with the big dogs...with the shakers and the movers...I come to the understanding that international development is so much bigger than clean water, electricity, to access to health....as I see it now, it comes down to human justice, equality and equity...it is us breaking from our need for familiarity to connect with them.

tick-tock

This whole moving to Boston, setting up a new life and all...well, it is stressful and extremely expensive!...I finally had the chance to sit down and do my finances, check how much I have been spending the past week since I have been here...and wow!....thank goodness for credit cards, and my parents!

I came to Boston last week Friday, and stayed a Hotel until Wednesday of this week to look for an apartment and wait for my stuff to get delivered from Michigan. After an entire day of apartment searching...which became kind of a soul searching process of what I wanted more...lots of personal space, or a good location...it says a lot about my next couple of years here (will I be spending a lot of time at home, or out and about?)...well, I went for the latter and settled for a 1 room studio smaller than my parents bedroom back in Zeeland....for a whooping $1095/month! BUT, the location is GREAT as it is 1 block away from the Prudential Center, Newberry Street, etc... I am excited!

So I checked out of my hotel on Wednesday because the movers said that my stuff would be in Boston at my place that night....well....it wasn't and still isn't. Tonight might be night #3 on the floor with my new blanket made of bamboo cotton from Pottery Barn (wha?!?! bamboo cotton?...my thoughts exactly; but it IS Pottery Barn, so that has to be correct right?...if anyone knew how to get cotton from bamboo, it would be Pottery Barn).

So since I have no furniture, no cooking ware, nothing...I have been discovering the different restaurants in the city...I think I am going to love it...the prices are comparable to Ann Arbor, but the selection is so much better!

Okay....I am the Boston Public Library right now, and it is closing, so that is it for now. More later! Also, Jackie comes today to live with me for the summer...her MPH internship is in Boston...yay!

over and out.

moving forward...

Plane Ticket-BOOKED.
[Friday, May 30th @ 5:22pm]

Moving Company-ALMOST.
is being extremely nice and paying for a company to ship, unpack and set up my belongings in my non-existent apartment.

Household Goods-A CONTINUING PROCESS...
After the previous shopping spree [picture on the previous blog], I pressed onward and bought a new full sized mattress & a 5-piece dining room set, and put a knife set on hold [Carrick, this is when I wish that you were with me]. The mattress and the dining room set is causing me to own ~$83/month for the next year to pay it all off (interest free for 12 months)...I feel like an adult. PLUS...the mattress is a FULL...no more twin-size for me, I have upgraded!

Packing-TOMORROW...i promise!

[Deadline: Friday, May 30th...cause that is when the company comes to pick it up]

...

Memorial Day was a blast with the family. It is my first memorial day in the US in the last 5 years...we had a BBQ, dad hung up the American flag, and we went to the lake....typical and traditional..especially for our family, one of the very few Asians in my home-town :)

Pictures of the family at the lake...

decision made

After weeks of conversations with friends, family and mentors, coupled with intense sessions of deliberation inside my head, I came to the decision of working in the United States for my next two years off. My reasoning is as follows:

1. It seems as if the trend in international development is to get away from sending Westerners overseas to "develop" the resource poor nations; but rather, in order to promote sustainability and feasibility, to have people living in those nations do it. It does make sense to have people living in the "resource poor" countries come up with their own plans, agendas, etc... to develop their own country in a culturally appropriate, sensitive and feasible way.

2. So what is the role of us "Western" folk from the developed countries?...It is to provide support to our counterparts in the developing countries; to do the politicking and manipulating of resources on behalf of those in developing countries so that they can do their job.

Both of those reasons above made me lean more towards a US based firm because the company will enable me to gain skills regarding the management and administration of big grants, and give exposure to the less romantic job of the paper pushing work that goes into development aid projects. I think that this job will provide me with the contacts, networks and knowledge that will help me navigate the world of international development. I will also be provided the mentorship and training needed during these next two years...because lets be real...it would be extremely exciting to move to another country and "do" development work, but I think it would be like taking shots in the dark (even with a Masters degree)...rather, I believe my time spent these next two years will shed light onto field, and when the time does come to "take the shot"....it won't be in the dark, at the expense of others. One thing that my education and experience has taught me this far is the importance of the process or the journey, rather than just focusing in on the end result.

. . .

So now that the decision has been made, my to do list:

1. Find an apartment--ugh! The online searches are extremely frustrating...I will resort to an agent to help me find one. My goal is to have an apartment by this time next week. Will post pictures when that happens. Also, rent is extremely high! ~$1,200/month

2. Buy furniture and housewares (dishes, glasses, bedding, etc...) for my non-existent apartment--The search began today at Target. Unfortunately, West Michigan does not have an IKEA, Crate&Barrel, or CB2 on hand, so Target had to do...I got some stuff, but will wait to get the furniture and remaining things when in Boston. {picture above is of items I bought today}

3. Get some work clothes--unfortunately, my casual J.Crew clothes are not going to fly...well, not all the time.

4. Pack & catalog my belongings for the moving company.

And finally...since I am trying to be more environmentally conscious these days, I made the decision not to bring my car up to Boston, but rather, ship my bike and use the public transportation instead!

back in ann arbor

So today, I am back in Ann Arbor for a friend's wedding on Friday and also some meetings with professors and mentors from now until then to discuss more about my options for the next 2 years. Currently, I have two options:

1. Working with in the United States with a firm addressing a range of international development projects.
2. Work in Viet Nam with either a foundation developing new health programs, or with an NGO as a programs manager.

The current issue for me is what job is going to give me the type of training and experience that I will need to best understand and navigate the "international development" world. Understandably, the 1st will develop my administrative/managerial skill sets, whereas the 2nd option will develop my technical skills. That is a very simplistic way of putting it, but I think the best. It has been said before that both options are good options...however, I just want to be sure that I am making the best selection to spend the next 2 years of my life. I have talked to numerous people about this already, and tomorrow will talk to more. I need to have a decision by Friday.

On to fun things....while I am in Ann Arbor, I am crashing at my friend Drew's place. Drew and I have been friends since Freshman year of college, but the friendship dwindled after Freshman year until we randomly met each other again at the end of our last years in our Masters program, him in Engineering and me in Public Health (we both did a joint Bachelors+Masters in 5 years without knowing the other took the same route). Needless to say, we picked up from exactly where we left off, and I think integrated both in each others groups of friends pretty well...a true mark of a good, solid friendship. So I am in Ann Arbor once again, hanging out, meeting with people, and just enjoying myself. It almost feels like old times, except for the fact that when I drove into the city today, I realized I was no longer driving home.

connecting to each other

Living life these days seem to exist in two realities--the physical and the virtual [otherwise known as the digital]; and sometimes for me, it is hard to separate the two from each other. It seems as if one cannot be a totally functioning person without living in both, often simultaneously. This thought came across my mind as I sat and reflected back on my day, which started off in the morning with a skype call [virtual world] to Sachi in Bangladesh, then Alice in China, an actual conversation with my parents in the physical world, followed by countless gchats, text messaging, etc... I am amazed at how these different forms of communications keep us connected to each other, even across oceans, mountain ranges, 17 hour plane rides--the geographical, political, and economic boundaries are effortlessly conquered, as us humans attempt to connect with each other. This is both inspiring to me and yet extremely sad. With modern technology giving us the ability to so easily connect to one another, why then are we, as a human race, becoming further divided? Perhaps the theologian Paulo Richard says it best:

"We are aware that another gigantic wall is being constructed in the Third World, to hide the reality of the poor majorities. A wall between the rich and poor is being built, so that poverty does not annoy the powerful and the poor are obliged to die in the silence of history."

It is apparent that the wall only exists between the poor and rich, but also, across socio-economic, race, class, gender, etc...to suggests that those who do not belong within the current hegemonic structure are also "obliged to die in the silence of history." However, that is not say that the glimmers of hope do not exists. Also this morning, in between conversing with friends in different parts of the world, I came across the New York Times article regarding the earthquake in China and the massive outpour from the Chinese public to help their fellow countrymen and women. The article suggests that it has taken an earthquake to this magnitude [no pun intended] for the urban elite in China to realize the conditions that their rural counterparts are living in, and perhaps more importantly, to open their eyes to that the raw human suffering their rural counterparts are experiencing are the same emotions that exists within themselves, and that these ruralites are not that different from the urbanites.

Now extrapolate the thoughts discussed above into the bigger global picture-from the natural disasters of the Asian Tsunami, Hurricane Katrina, to the recent ones of Cyclone Nagris hitting Burma, the earthquake in China, to the various conflicts going on in the world [genocide in Sudan, conflict in the Congo, war in Iraq...], not to mention the various medical aliments, preventable deaths (one being maternal mortality which my friend Drew is presently researching on in Ghana...a link to her blog)...we see, read about, learn about the raw human suffering that goes on; the struggle to survive; the stories of hope and hopelessness. But I think what happens is that for the majority of us, including myself, tend to dichotomize it...between us versus them. And it is not until we are put into that similar circumstances when us becomes them, or at least in close enough proximity to them that it becomes somewhat personal to us, and a sense of urgency to take action is invoked.

I believe that invoking action through human compassion is at the CORE of humanitarian development, and is the guiding force in answering the ageless questions of "what is development" and "how do we best develop/help others?" These are questions that cause me to wake up each day to continually seek the answers. That is what this blog is about--my search for these answers, but perhaps more importantly, the journey, experiences, interactions with others and processes which I attempt to come up with answers. I invite you to come along, post comments, contact me and join in on the journey.